— C. S. Lewis

Kristin Andreassen – “Crayola Doesn’t Make a Color for Your Eyes” (from the CD Kiss Me Hello)

2006 winner of the John Lennon Songwriting Contest in the “Children’s” category.  Written by Kristin Andreassen and Megan Downes.

— Hal Borland

2009 Redux:  The Lessons of 2009

1.  When possible, hold your tongue.

2.  But sometimes, you simply cannot hold your tongue any longer.

3.  When you do speak up for yourself, those who have been reaping the benefits of your silence are likely to be quite unhappy.  They can suck it.  They have run roughshod over people for far too long.  There’s a new sheriff in town.

4.  The person who gasps, hands to their chest,  and exclaims, “I don’t want to be the center of attention!” or “But it’s not all about me!” is usually the person who demands to be the center of attention and that it be all about him / her.

5.  Non-verbal communication as subterfuge (e.g., hand gestures and/or shaking your head) doesn’t work unless the person from whom you are attempting to hide something: (a) isn’t in the same room with you; (b) isn’t looking directly at you; (c) is stupid; (d) is oblivious to you; and / or (e) is blind.  (In 2010, I am considering answering such attempts, with “Hello! Right here!”)

6.  People who fancy themselves as the the “bee’s knees,” in fact, rare are.

7.  People who have cheated on nearly every significant other / fiancée they have ever had (save those who broke up with them and/or cheated on them first …) are unlikely to change, are probably always going to put themselves first, like to be the center of attention, and generally don’t make the best of friends.

8.  I don’t respect people who …

• Don’t respect others.
• Play fast and loose with the truth in their everyday lives.  Life isn’t television, film, or a novel.  If you want to spin a tale, find an outlet for your creativity other than real life.
• Cheat and steal.

9.  A good friend …

• Cares when you break a bone or get hurt.
• Really listens when you speak.
• Doesn’t negate you and / or everything you say.
• Remembers your birthday.
• Remembers the email address you use and contacts you other than to invite you to his / her birthday party (you know, so you can buy a gift and / or help pay for dinner).
• Doesn’t announce preemptively that she won’t ever be in your wedding.  Never mind that you’re nowhere near getting married and you haven’t asked her to be in your wedding.
• Doesn’t sneak around to fool around with the ex-boyfriend of another friend, for whom she was maid of honor, knowing full well that the friend (not to mention the guy’s girlfriend) would feel upset and betrayed if she found out that the two of them were fooling around together.
• Does nice things for you even when there’s nothing in it for him / her.  You don’t have to search your mind for the last time that he / she said something positive to you (that wasn’t a backhanded compliment) or was nice to you or did something kind for you and it didn’t serve his / her interests, too.
• Is a person with whom you have fun. You should feel refreshed and energized after you’re together.  Not hungover.

10.   One should not expect the benefits of my friendship if one does not act as my friend.  Yes, you actually have to walk the walk and talk the talk.

11.  In tough times, you will find out who your true friends are.  You are truly lucky if you have a handful of loyal, true friends in your entire life.

12.  No matter how much you might care about someone, your friendship and/or love is wasted on them until they are willing to accept it. One-sided relationships are incredibly lonely.

13.  Ladies, if a man cares about you, he  will treat you as he would expect another man to treat his mother, sister(s), friend(s), and future daughter(s) in a healthy relationship.  Every woman is someone’s sister, daughter, friend, and (possibly) future mother. As such, they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.  Gentlemen, the same is true for women who care about you.  She will treat you as she would expect another woman would treat her father, friend(s), and future son(s) in a healthy relationship.  For the record, this is a hard and fast rule that also holds true for lesbian, gay, and bisexual relationships.

14.  Never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option.  That being said, I’ve learned this year that to some people, I am most definitely an “option” in their lives, falling quite low on their priority lists.  Their bad.

15.  Karma is a harsh mistress.  The universe may take awhile to even the score, but know this: her justice will be poetic, she will get her pound of flesh.

16.  One need not be a redhead, natural or man-made, to earn oneself the nickname “Firecrotch.”

17.  sunscreen.  Sunscreen.  SUNSCREEN.  I really can’t stress the importance of  wearing an effective sunscreen all day, everyday.  I’m not making this up.  There is no such thing as a “healthy tan.” (It’s not really a “healthy glow” if you have been cooking your skin.  Yummy, isn’t it?)

(a)  Use a sunscreen of SPF 15 or higher that protects against UVA & UVB rays whenever you spend time outdoors. This applies to all outdoor activities: athletics,
shopping, picnicking, walking or jogging, gardening, even waiting for a bus.  Be sure to cover often-missed spots: lips, ears, around eyes, neck, chest, scalp if hair is thinning,
hands, and feet.

(b) Cover up.

(c)  Seek the shade.

(d)  Stay away from tanning beds.

From (http://www.skincancer.org/year-round-sun-protection.html)

***  Sunscreen is particularly important if you are using a hormonal birth control method (birth control pills, Norplant, DepoProvera) and / or skin care products that contain retinol and / or benzoyl peroxide (including Clean & Clear, Clearasil, and Proactiv, just to name a few).  Hormonal birth control methods, retinoids, and benzoyl peroxide products make one’s skin even more sensitive and vulnerable to sun damage.

retinol or [Proactiv] + too little sunscreen + too much sun = many chemical peels in the future

retinol or [Proactiv] + birth control pills + t00 little sunscreen + too much sun = skin that looks like ten miles of bad road, or as though it as been ridden hard and put away wet — pick your aphorism, you get the picture.  those aren’t freckles.  those are age spots.

18.  The bolder the assertion, the more likely the speaker is full of shit unless he / she provides reliable and ascertainable authorities to support the statement.

Sadly, L and her children know all too well that the option and ability to tell our loved ones that we love them can be taken away in an instant.   Possessions that once seemed so important become mere trinkets.  We would trade everything we own without a second thought so that we might share just one more moment, just one more breath with our departed loved ones.

So, I will start this off:

To my family, friends, and loved ones,

Thank you for being there for me and for all that you do for me.  I couldn’t make it without you.  I am truly blessed to have you, your kindness, your talents, your joy, and your laughter in my life.  You brighten my days and my life.  I love you all.

Thank you,

Stacy

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.”

— Pablo Neruda (100 Love Sonnets/Cien Sonetos De Amor)

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”

— Sarah Dessen (The Truth About Forever)

* To protect their identities and privacy, I have omitted their names.

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.”

Recently I was on a phone call with Brad Yates; and although I know this to be true, when he said it, it made me reflect again. He said (and I’m paraphrasing):

“To the extent that we are not living our lives exactly as we want–with the love and friendships we want, the abundance we want, and the happiness we are seeking–it’s to that extent we are resisting it.”

It’s that word again: resistance. What does it mean? What do we do about it?

Essentially, resistance is any thought, belief or behavior–either conscious or unconscious–that stands contrary to our desire. On the surface, we can be doing positive affirmations, creative visualizations and imagining our success. But in the end, we get what we expect. Every single time.

Sometimes it can be as simple as not believing that you can have what you want. That way of thinking places limitations on what is possible for you. You are restricting what could be, with what you think will be. And you end up getting what you expect.

Your consciousness is a powerful tool. If you don’t believe you can have the thing you desire, it shows up as resistance, despite all the things you are doing to achieve your goals.

Okay, so, what to do about it?

Live in the possibility rather than the probability.

The reason anything is not happening in your life, is because in one way or another you are not yet lined up with it (i.e. don’t think it’s possible, don’t think you’re worthy of it, don’t think you can have it, etc.).

Here are a five helpful ways to deal with resistance:

1. Be honest with yourself.

Be clear on how you participate in the reality you continue to experience. Ask yourself: What limiting thought, belief or pattern of behavior am I currently holding onto, that is standing in the way of my desire? What story do I keep telling myself or others that affirms the current position I’m in?

What part of the equation am I participating in that continues to get me the same results? Because the truth is, you are always living your unconscious expectation. Becoming aware of your “status quo” will give you the first clue on where your work lies.

Take 100% responsibility for being the powerful creator that you are.

2. Stay out of self-judgment.

Just like in the acorn lives the potential of the oak tree, that which you are seeking is already within you.

None of this is a game to the finish line. Instead, use the resistance to point you to areas that need “clearing”. Use it as an opportunity to become more authentically who you already are. Nothing is outside of yourself.

Everything comes to you along your own path, as you are ready. So, prepare yourself and be open to receive.

3. Do what you can do something about.

Let go of what you have no control over. Sometimes becoming aware of your repetitive patterns is all that is required. But other times, we need to take additional action.

In the Course of Miracles, they say there are only two emotions: Love and Fear. If you are in a place of resistance about something, look for the fear behind it and find a way to dissipate it.

Meditation is one way, but so is arming yourself with knowledge, telling yourself a different story (i.e. stop scaring yourself), making phone calls, getting into action, etc.

4. Focus on something else.

When you’re thinking about the thing you want, and why you want it so badly, resistance (belief, frustrations, thought, feeling or unconscious beliefs) is usually present at the same time.

When you distract yourself entirely, and think about something else that pleases you, you’re in much more of a relaxed place of allowing. And the universe can bring it to you with the least amount of resistance.

This is why people who fall in love finally drop the extra weight they’ve been carrying, or get the promotion they’ve been wanting. They are in a place where they’re open to receiving.

Remember, things are delivered to us on our path, most of the time, pretty effortlessly. But we have to get out of the way and feel worthy of receiving them. That is our work.

5. Look for stories that help you change your expectations.

And repeat them often. Make them your new mantra. Instead of it never happens for me it becomes if it can happen for them, it can happen for me.

Ask the universe to give you proof that what you want is possible and then take notice of what comes to you–in billboards, the books people hand you, the article you happen upon, the people you meet.

We often compare ourselves to where people are and don’t pay attention to who they were before they got there. There are plenty of rags to riches stories.

Joe Vitale was homeless before he became a multi-millionaire. Eckhart Tolle got all his epiphanies sitting on a park bench, as well–and then published them. Jack Canfield was a school teacher.

Look for the story that most resonates with where you are and let that be your new possibility. If it can happen for them, it can happen for you as well.

It’s a known fact that in a marathon, it’s not until someone breaks the record, that everyone else, in short order, makes the same timing. Why? Because in that moment, their expectation of what was possible, changed.

So, in other words, rise yourself above your own limiting thoughts, notice what stories and beliefs you continue to tell. Become aware of the ways you might hold yourself back from your desires and then let them go.

This is the work involved in releasing resistance.

The rest of the work is to surrender to your now. Bask in the glory that is your moment. Savor the experiences that continue to add to your life. And seek joy! Abraham-Hicks states that the optimum place of creating is “Happy with what is. Eager for more”.

In other words, the key to letting go of resistance is letting go of the expectation that you’re supposed to be anywhere other than where you already are, right now.

Things will change soon enough and they will find you along your path, as you are ready. But until then, enjoy here, now.

And prepare yourself to receive.

Sonya Derian is the owner and founder of Om Freely, a company dedicated to helping people live out loud, tap into their power, and transform their lives. To pick up your free ebook: Om Freely: 30 Ways to Live Out Loud, please visit http://omfreely.com

― Christopher Reeve (Superman)

Choose hope. Dwell in possibility.

— Blaise Pascal

The question becomes, when should you believe and when should you doubt?  You cannot always demand or have proof, but when — if ever — does faith become foolish?  When is faith necessary?

Remember:  No man who has friends is a failure.
Thanks for the wings!

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

— Mother Teresa

(From Chris Jones’ Theater Loop blog, http://leisureblogs.chicagotribune.com/the_theater_loop/2009/12/from-chicagos-stages-the-10-best-performances-of-2009.html)

Desmin Borges, “The Elaborate Entrance of Chad Deity” by Victory Gardens Theater: In this career-making performance as a wrestler with an interest in geopolitics, Borges developed more of a rapport with the audience this fall than any other Chicago actor in 2009. Borges narrated Kristoffer Diaz’s whip-smart new play, taking us into his confidence, cracking self-deprecating jokes, and even deftly executing some wrestling moves. It was a wry, shrewd, charming and wonderfully accessible performance. And it was one of the main reasons why New York producers are now fighting over this play. A knock-out for Borges.

Ashley Brown, “Mary Poppins” by Disney Theatrical Productions: The famous flying nanny in the Disney/Cameron Mackintosh musical enjoys being thought of as “practically perfect in every way.” That’s an apt description for Ashley Brown’s dazzling work in the title role. Vocally exquisite and disciplined beyond anything even her character could expect, Brown forged an ambivalent Mary Poppins — at once stern and kind, entrancing and intimidating. Exactly as the character’s creator, P.L. Travers, would have wanted. And unlike most Broadway stars, Brown was willing to take her umbrella on the road; her touring production was created this spring in Chicago at the Cadillac Palace Theatre.

Carla Gugino, “Desire Under the Elms ” by the Goodman Theatre: Much ink was spilled in Chicago and New York over Gugino’s smoldering performance in Robert Falls’ audaciously revisionist Goodman-to-Broadway production of the throbbing Eugene O’Neill classic. It did not go to waste. No one generated more sensual steam on a Chicago stage this year than Gugino and her co-star in illicit love, Pablo Schreiber . But Gugino’s star turn was about more than raw desire: it was rich, emotionally complex and wholly in keeping with Falls’ interpretation of this play as an existential fight for survival in a hard-scrabble land.

Mattie Hawkinson, “Blackbird” by Victory Gardens Theater: With “CSI” fans packing the Biograph Theater, everyone thought this would be the William Petersen show. In fact, Hawkinson wiped the floor with him. David Harrower’s play is about a grown woman confronting the adult man who had illegal sexual relations with her as a young girl, so Hawkinson’s reduction of Petersen to blubbering rubble was a credit to both actors. Within the space of 90 minutes, Hawkinson was pained, tough, deeply vulnerable and toweringly resilient. It was a blistering performance.

Michael Shannon, “Mistakes Were Made” by A Red Orchid Theatre: Beloved in Chicago for his loyalty to off-Loop theater, this Oscar-nominated actor served up a spectacular performance this fall in Craig Wright’s new play, conducted almost entirely on the phone. Shannon, who had to gasp for air like the funny fake fish on the set, ranted, pleaded, whined, cajoled and basically went about the everyday business of the Broadway producer. In a play that was basically one larger-than-life monologue, Shannon was outsized yet truthful, poignant and a total blast to watch. If you’ve only seem him in two dimensions, you haven’t taken the full measure of this great Chicago actor.

Joey Slotnick, “Animal Crackers” by the Goodman Theatre: The role of Groucho Marx is a tough proposition for an actor with a career to protect. Just by not actually being the great shock-haired, cigar-flicking eyebrow-raiser, you set yourself up to fail. But Slotnick didn’t shrink from the job at the Goodman Theatre this fall, proving a boffo Groucho. He killed with many of the man’s one-liners and emulated his endless racing for that downstage-center sweet spot where the paying customers were easy fodder. There were problems elsewhere with this unwieldy show, and Slotnick’s superb performance really didn’t get the acclaim it deserved. So huzzah.

Summer Smart, “The Light in the Piazza” by Marriott Lincolnshire: The very difficult character of Clara in the exquisite Adam Guettel musical “The Light in the Piazza” is a tricky concoction. This young woman discovering romantic love has been left impaired from a childhood accident, yet her secret is revealed only slowly to the audience. Smart, an actress with an unusual combination of outer restraint and inner emotional guts, delivered the perfect blend of the comfortingly familiar with the disquietingly strange. And she sang every note of this thrilling score so sublimely, you found yourself alongside her on the streets of Italy, craving her happiness and worrying for her future. Sublime.

— Anthony Brandt

I hope that everyone is able to spend time with family and/or friends, the family we make for ourselves.

— Anatole France